August 15, 2017 Blog No Comments

The events I experienced last weekend are in stark contrast to each other. I attended a loving celebration of life and my husband’s joyous concert while also tracking the horrifying news of hatred and fear in Charlottesville, VA. It made me aware that we have a responsibility to choose between love and fear.
The choice of love or fear is always present in our life, though we’re usually not aware of it until something extreme happens. For example, at the funeral, my friend Hugh beautifully eulogized his mother, singing music she inspired him to write. His choice to focus on how her love transformed other’s life softened his sadness, the fear of death and inspired others.
Then in contrast, with one look at the news, I encountered the consequence a choice of extreme fear can make. In Charlottesville, love was replaced by the ugliness of white supremacy, racism, bigotry, violence and murder.
How does this work in your life? Which are you choosing? Before you say love, see if these 4 questions illuminate how every small choice and intention creates experiences of love or fear.
You’ve heard that where you put your attention has a direct relationship to what we experience? If you’re focusing on negative things, ruminating and worrying, you contract into a state of fear. If you’re focusing on positive things, you expand with a sense of satisfaction, wellbeing and love.
This is the reason I’m careful about my focus. I don’t watch TV unless it’s something I know has some redeeming value. I’m also careful about what I read, the people I’m around and the places I go. Since I choose to experience love, joy and a sense of wellbeing, I’m conscious about my focus.
Be discerning about your choices – your attention creates your experience.
To quickly determine the impact of your focus, pay attention to your feelings. Are you feeling loving, kind, generous, expansive and happy – than you are likely focusing on positive and loving experiences in your life. Are you feeling anxious, afraid, worried or upset, then you are likely focusing on negative expectations that create fear.
How do you want to feel? Most everyone says they want to feel good, but don’t realize that they’re in patterns of focus that create fear and bad feelings. All this can be changed with a clear intention to go after positive, loving feelings.
Positive or negative feelings are a litmus test indicating where you’ve put your attention.
Next notice the actions you take and the impact they have on your body. Are you taking steps based on fear or love? Sometimes we are not fully aware of our motivation.
One way to tell is to notice the effect your actions have on your body. If it creates tension or anxiety then its fear begetting fear. If it creates joy or excitement, then you know it’s love generating love. Let me share some examples
After my long-term marriage ended badly, I was determined to find true love. At any age, that can be daunting. Instead of thinking it was impossible, I focused on the feelings of love I wanted to bring into my life, getting excited and geared into action to bring it into reality – it was love based. I now have the joy of true love every day!
Conversely, even with all the public speaking I do, I often get nervous. I realized that my anxious worry was creating fearful preparation, so I switched to love based action. Now I focus my attention on building excitement for what I’m presenting, so preparation is done with that in mind. Voila – No more fear and much better presentations!
You want a positive outcome – make your actions love based.
If you think about what dominates your life, is it based on love or fear? As much as we strive to be love based, we all have a certain amount of fear in our life. What’s yours? Are you interested in finding ways to transform it to love?
What would change your life to one that is more love based? Start with noticing your focus, the feeling it generates and the actions related to it. Imagine it being better, and ask what’s wanting to change. You can easily and incrementally refocus to the positive with the feelings and actions to match in this manner.
Be clear on your choice of love over fear for any aspect of your life – that’s where the change begins
Have the events in Charlottesville heightened your discernment of being motivated by love or fear? The more you choose love and joy as the focus of your attention and make it consistent with what you want, your feelings and the actions will follow. Once those things are aligned, positive change begins. Our country needs us to embrace this transformation process.
If you’d like to initiate a conversion from living in fear to love and want some direction, I welcome you to explore how Transformational Life Coaching can help. There’s more information on my website Let’s talk and see if it’d work for you! You can reach me through my free consultation link.
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Written by Connie Milligan, LCSW
If there is anything I’ve expressed that speaks to you, I’d love to hear from you. You can reach me at my email, connie [at] conniemilligan [dot] com