July 16, 2019 Blog No Comments

I love this quote about trust. It was said at a consultation/training I conducted last week, and we repeated it frequently because it was so apropos to our work together. When there is trust in a group, as there was in this situation, things move quickly and easily.

And what happens when there is not trust?  What’s your experience? I’d like to explore this because this has been an important lesson for me.

Here are some of the variables that I think determine how things transpire depending on whether or not there is trust in a situation. See if you can relate.


In my experience in organizations and in relationships, trust means you can be comfortable allowing others to take the reins. Giving up control is the ultimate sign of trust in any relationship. It means you recognize and have confidence in  their capability and reliability. It’s uplifting, making things move quickly and happily forward.

Since I’ve tended to gravitate to leadership roles most of my life, one of the great ahhas I’ve had is recognizing what it means when I’m comfortable with someone else taking charge.  What I’ve realized is it’s a product of trusting my own judgement to know who I have confidence in and believing in myself enough to know if it doesn’t work, I’ll know what to do next.


I’m sure you’ve been in situations where you’ve not trusted who you’re with or the circumstance you’re in. The tell-tale sign is the resistance you feel on the inside. The questions and doubt that are raised in your mind often have to be checked out. When your instincts are on high alert, trust them and take action. These intuitive feelings are important, especially when you find the evidence to support the feelings. You’re being given information that it’s time to stop or at least proceed with caution.

The internal concerns from lack of trust creates resistant to go further. What’s most important is discerning and heading the instinctive warning signs to either speak up or pull back.  It’s an essential lesson in intuition that can protect you and keep you out of potentially dangerous or difficult situations.


What I’ve enjoyed seeing in the consultation I’m doing around the country is the quality of engagement that happens when people trust each other to organize around a higher order principle. Over and over again, I’ve seen people in all walks of life come together to accomplish something innovative to expand social justice in their community. It’s heartwarming. Barriers drop, ideas and plans take shape, and  things progress forward very quickly.

The joining that occurs in a love relationship is similar, since those feelings are also of a higher order. When we tune into our intuition, we can sense when someone intentions are akin to our own and notice if their behavior is a reliable match. When you have belief and faith in the credibility of someone, it becomes a solid foundation for a stable relationship. I have this with my partner – it makes all the difference.


When trust is broken or not founded, there is a cascade of consequences. What I’ve experienced is akin to being in a slow train wreck as the awareness that trust is broken settles in. Everything is changed, everything becomes reevaluated and a new sequence of decisions must be made to accommodate the new awareness. It’s an all-consuming process to examine your judgement against the evidence and make decisions to separate yourself.

I’ve had this experience in both work and love relationships. The process is the same. It takes a lot of mental anguish to shift through the words and the behavior that don’t match to reach the conclusion that someone isn’t trustworthy. We want so much to belief in people. When the truth becomes clear, you have to make the choice to trust your own judgement and create separation. If you don’t do so, you become entangled in the dysfunction. The caveat to this is if it’s your tendency to not trust, then you can inadvertently create your own negative judgement and separation. It’s always good to get an objective read on the situation.

Take a minute and examine the patterns in your life right now. Are you finding that trustworthy relationship are creating an easy flow of things coming together? If that’s the case,  then you probably have noticed that you are allowing others to take charge around their areas of expertise and in that allowing, people are eager to come together for the joy of the experience. If you are not engaged with people or situations that you trust you may be noticing the opposite. You may be questioning people’s judgement and feeling resistance to them and consequently, feeling hesitant and unwilling to engage. It’s important to know your role in creating both – hone your good judgement skills so you can put yourself in the best position.

Is this a topic that creates confusion or needs further exploration? You’re not alone. My Transformational Life Coaching and Therapy helps you develop your insight and powers of discernment, so you become a better judge of character and situations. Learn to position yourself with trustworthy people and situations that flow. See my website www.spectrumtransformation.com for more information and reach out using my Free Consultation link. I’d love to hear from you.

Photo – paddling Elkhorn Creek in KY – my favorite trust exercise – and I love the leisurely pace!

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Written by Connie Milligan, LCSW
If there is anything I’ve expressed that speaks to you, I’d love to hear from you. You can reach me at my email, connie [at] conniemilligan [dot] com