February 21, 2017 Blog No Comments

hedge_mazeIt was a powerful moment when the group recognized how patterns from their past affect them in the present. These are the unspoken fears, negative self-perceptions or insecurities that we all have. In fact, it was stunning to realize that this is common for most everyone. People often think they are alone with these thoughts.

In truth, most everyone has some vestige of negative beliefs or behavior that hold them back from being their best. This was the discussion in The Manifestation Couse class last week. It was humbling to realize how universal this pattern is.

Why is that and what can we do about it? That’s what I’d like to explore.


This quote, from William Faulkner (Requiem For A Nun), sums up what is often people’s experience. The events of our past hold poignant and often painful memories that linger today. They are the reminders that are rationalized away as not being that bad, but still they remain.

No matter the experience, be it rejection, lack of positive parenting, abuse of any kind, loss or tragedy, any personal difficulty can be the foundation on which personal beliefs about ourselves are built. They can be the start of limiting self-talk, lack of confidence or reactive and self-sabotaging behaviors.

No matter the source, change is always possible – those memories can be reorganized so they don’t hold you back.


We talked about the Law of Rhythm. Each stage of our life has specific tasks that we build upon to enter the next phase of life. It’s not surprising that the younger age experiences hold the most potent power to affect the rest of our life. There is a reason for that.

When negative things happen when we are pre-verbal, young or teenage, our mind has not developed the skills to process and make sense of the experience. It’s normal to assume we caused or are responsible for it because we only know ourselves as the center of the universe. It takes a more mature mind to see the experience in perspective.

We have to step back from the experience to recognize and depersonalize what happened. We are not responsible for other’s mistakes; that is their life journey. There are reasons for other’s behavior, even when they cause harm. There are always reasons for our behavior too. Figure out what the factors are for you so you can reframe and eliminate harmful misperceptions.

Note the age of your experience to give yourself a more compassionate, bigger picture perspective that helps you make sense of it.


From the Law of Polarity, we learn that a negative experience in one part of our life might send us searching for the opposite in another part of life. In this way, a bad situation may result in the development of new sensitivities and skills that serve us and others in the present.

The kindness and compassion you show to others may be the gift you learned from your own suffering. The decision to not participate in abusive behavior (drugs, alcohol, abuse), the desire to help others, or being an advocate to create change for the greater good can often be traced to learning the hard way. We have stepped up to make a difference.

Your gifts, developed out of adversity, often are powerfully used to right the wrongs done in your life.


Once you have a bigger picture view of your experience and notice the gifts you have developed to compensate for your difficulties, it’s much easier to release the misconceptions you hold of yourself. There is now a more compassionate, mature and accurate perspective.

Ask yourself if your self-talk or beliefs are really true?  Sometime we simply carry old thoughts forward in time without examining them. Give it some close scrutiny. Does the thought make you feel bad about yourself, does it compromise your ability to follow through with making life what you want?

If you perceive it as limiting, then it is. Give yourself the opportunity to release it in one of these ways: Write it out and burn or rip the paper, use a symbolic object that represents the thought and throw it away or keep it as a reminder to not pick it up again. Imagine releasing the negative self-talk and notice the sense of relief and freedom you’ll have.

Any negative thought or perception of yourself can be released when you realize it no longer serves you.


Sometimes the hard things that happen in our life are the lessons we need to learn to become stronger and better people. If you notice that you have developed new strengths are a result of what you have experienced, then you will see how this is true.

Give thanks for those experiences and recognition to yourself for the courage and integrity you have shown in your life. You can now look at yourself with more positive and accurate self-regard.

Have gratitude toward yourself for the lessons you’ve learned – your strengths are your badge of honor.

Is there something here that speaks to your truth? I’ve been amazed to notice how universal this issue is. With a little work, you can experience the relief that changing your self-perception can bring – a more positive, stronger sense of self! This is liberation from the oppression of your own internal tyranny. Give yourself the gift of letting it go.

If you’d like to explore this, my Transformational Coaching and Counseling will assist you with clearing a path so you’ll have the confidence to soar! See my website www.spectrumtransformation.com for more information and reach out to me with the Free Consultation link if you have questions. I’d be happy to hear from you.

Written by Connie Milligan, LCSW
If there is anything I’ve expressed that speaks to you, I’d love to hear from you. You can reach me at my email, connie [at] conniemilligan [dot] com