Usually I am on the giving end of things. Last weekend I attended three different workshops to receive information. It was a big switch for me. I am usually the one conducting workshops, giving gifts, hosting parties. That’s my comfort zone. It was a stretch to put myself on the receiving end.
While in that role, I had an epiphany: It is a gift to receive!
I was so stunned by this realization that I had to look at it more closely. We typically operate from positions of polarity on this issue. Let me explain.
One segment of our society values giving more than receiving:
Does this come from Paul’s quote of Jesus to the Ephesians’ “it is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35)? Many religions, industries and individuals now make giving to those in need part of their mission.
But, some see giving as an active position of strength and receiving as a passive position of weakness; there is a power differential. The result is that giving can become a way of creating social control, not unlike the Romans “bread and circuses”.
Another segment of our society values taking – an extreme form of receiving:
Is personal and corporate greed a function of our competitive, consumer driven world? Since the 1980’s, this group has become larger and more entrenched in their desire to take away from and exclude others who are seen as draining their resources.
Is it a reaction to the development of giving social programs? Some people have been conditioned to receive to the point it’s seen as an entitlement. Has prejudice about this created disdain for giving to others?
As with any polarity, we swing too far in one direction, there will be an opposite and equal reaction to move to the other side. We now have a new generation motivated to give back, to offset the greed.
Frankly, I think we are too polarized. I want to make a case that we need an equal balance of giving and receiving.
WHY WE NEED A BALANCE OF GIVING AND RECEIVING:
EVERYONE BENEFITS
I attended the workshops, received information, and felt enriched by it. I was on the receiving end. My friends, who were presenting, worked hard to develop their material, they had something to give. I took my time to be there, paid for it and was happy to receive. There was a balance. They’d have nothing to give if no one was there to receive.
I think of my artistic friends who give so much with their talent, often with little monetary reward in return. If there wasn’t an audience to appreciate their creativity, they would only have the internal gratification of their work. While many artistic people are fueled internally, all value a grateful audience.
Giving has no meaning if there is not someone to receive
SAYING YES GENERATES MORE GENEROSITY
At one of the workshop, a musician was attending. When he heard my husband also plays the piano, he raced out to his car and came back to present me with two of his CDs. I tried to pay him. He said; “No, take them, it’s a gift”. I was stunned. Then remembering my new epiphany, I thanked him profusely.
We completed a cycle that will be repeated. My saying yes to his gift gave him great pleasure. I felt honored; he felt pleased to share his talent. I’ll listen to his music and tell others about it. There is a reciprocity that creates more generosity of spirit. The good feelings generated by the gift and the receiving lifted everyone in the room. A refusal would have been insulting.
Accepting a gift creates a cycle of mutual gratification
REDUCE THE POWER DIFFERENTIAL BETWEEN THE GIVER AND THE RECEIVER
There is a concept, particularly in rural areas, of not wanting to be “beholden” to someone who wants to give to you. It is a term that recognizes that there are strings or potential obligations attached to a gift.
Sometimes the giving has an unspoken expectation; you have to believe in what the other person tells you, is wanting to sell you, or do something in return. The hold this arrangement has over people is real. It’s complicated; is a gift really a gift?
Marketers uses free things as a way to draw in people. It’s called a loss leader. In my previous work, the services my non-profit agency had to offer were suddenly being given for free by large corporations to draw in new business. When a service becomes a gift for profit reasons in one venue, can it still be seen as a viable service elsewhere? It didn’t work out for me. With the internet, this concept has also dramatically changed book and music markets.
What about people who are always on the receiving end? Have we reduced and restrained their initiative and freedom to generate their own resources and creativity? Do some religious missions, welfare, and the buying of land rights, to name a few complex power differential issues, become a means for social control? If so, we haven’t moved far from Rome’s use of “bread and circuses” to dominate.
When we tend to stay in one role versus the other, what is the motive? Is it about a power differential, is it about greed? It is often more comfortable to be in the giving role versus the receiving role. I recognized that in myself. That’s why it hit me so strongly; balance is essential.
When things are balanced, there is graciousness in the giving as in the receiving.
GIVING AND RECEIVING EXPANDS US
When we go beyond using giving as a means of manipulation and influence so it is truly altruistic, then the receiving is equally a heartfelt experience. It is surely the original intent in Jesus’s quote. The good that is generated moves out exponentially. We are changed. We all expand from the experience.
Personally, I like Winston Churchill’s quote as he speaks to the balance of giving and receiving:
“We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give”.
What do you need to do to find the balance for yourself between giving and receiving? I’d love to explore it with you. My Transformational Coaching looks at polarities. As with any extreme, there is wisdom in the middle where you can find your correct balance. If you are interested, feel free to contact me here or on my website Spectrumtransformation.com.
