October 12, 2020 Blog No Comments

Are you avoiding something? Fall is usually a time for starting things, like school, new projects or plans. Lately,  I have found myself avoiding all this, are you? Mother nature does not avoid Fall – maybe it is late or early or lasts long or short, but in the northern hemisphere, it always happens.

Yes, this is a difficult time and yes there are reasons to avoid things. I was hoping to start a new series of classes online and now I have run out of time. Since I am having to come face to face with this myself, I thought I would share my realizations.

Here are four excuses that are obvious for my avoiding behavior and some ways I am realigning myself with solutions. See if they work for you.

TOO DISTRACTED

Oh yes, this one is very true. The coronavirus and the election have me glued to news and social media like it is my best friend. But it is not. It is sucking me dry and leaving me anxious and distressed. How about you? I am hearing this from lots of friends and clients. The attention to the unfolding drama is like watching a slow train wreck and is derailing the best of us. People are relapsing with every bad habit you can think of – drinking/drugs, smoking, overeating, poor self care, bad relationship dynamics, that can lead to depression and anxiety. Take stock for yourself.

Here are some things to consider. Limit the time you spend tuning into news drama. You know how it makes you feel. Give yourself a specific time of day to check if you must and then put it down. Tell yourself how much time you will allow and stick with it. Put your attention on something fruitful, productive and good feeling.

NOW IS NOT A GOOD TIME

This excuse is likely related to the previous one. (That is what I said.) People are too distracted and anxious to want to launch something new. I had the rational all worked out in my mind. And maybe it is true. But then, I had to consider these questions.

Is it true or is it simply true for me? Ok, yes, it is true for me. Well, is it true for reasons other than everyone is too distracted? Yes, I have 4 big things that will take up my time for the next two months. Now, that is different. I really do not have the time to launch something new right now. Go through your avoiding excuses and see if they add up. Then ask, when will it work and set a date. I have done that, and I feel better with a plan.

IT IS TOO HARD OR COMPLICATED

I have been telling myself this one for years. It is hard and it is complicated. It will take a lot of research and dedicated time. It will take new software which has to be purchased and learned. It will require support and help from someone who knows how to do this sort of thing. It will take money I do not want to spend. All true.

Ok, now it is time to face yourself. How important is this to you. Very? Well then, you just have look at the facts. Anything important takes time and may be hard and complicated. So what? Haven’t you done many other hard things? (oh yes)  As my friend, Kelly Gunning, likes to say, “hard is hard”. You put in the effort for other things, why not this? Make a commitment to do it and break it down into small steps. Get support, get the right information and help.

IT IS NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH

Oh, this is a good one. It is the old “not good enough” thinking that hits us where we live.  It is the silent and ugly self-talk that most people battle that will derail all good ideas and projects.  Thoughts of self-doubt and worthiness are like a brick wall to your creativity and initiative. Aren’t you tired of it?

If you have an inspiration, follow it and allow it to develop into a fully fleshed out idea. I have done that with this project and explored it in my meditation practice. Of course, it is important, it will be helpful to people and I will learn a lot in the process. I will give myself the time to flesh it out until I feel the excitement of it rising, wanting to be released, then my energy will carry it through. That is how any new project gets launched. Give yourself the time. You and your ideas are always important.

Does any of this sound familiar? If you find yourself stuck in a morass of negative feelings or bad habits and avoiding something you know you would like to do,  try addressing them with these steps. Ask yourself if it is because you are too distracted and now is really is not a good time. Maybe it is true, maybe it is an excuse. Then determine if it feels too hard and complicated or you think it is not important enough. That means you have work to do on your self-talk. You can push yourself through avoidance once you realize the reasons.

Is avoiding behavior something you would like to address? My Transformational Coaching and Counseling is designed to help you explore what it is about and find a path through it. You can do it. Reach out through www.spectrumtransformation.com and let me know using my Free Consultation link. I would love to help.

 

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Written by Connie Milligan, LCSW
If there is anything I’ve expressed that speaks to you, I’d love to hear from you. You can reach me at my email, connie [at] conniemilligan [dot] com