July 20, 2020 Blog No Comments

There is great power in being seen. That is, being seen for who you are, seen for your very essence, being seen in a way that says you are understood and appreciated. My recent experience with this was not being seen myself, but in seeing others – animals in fact. The results were so telling, I cannot help but extrapolate them to us.

I was visiting friends on their horse farm. There was a beautiful yearling in the field nearby that was racing up and down, stopping periodically to stare curiously at us. I went over to the fence and talked softly to him. I told him he was beautiful and that I loved watching him run so gracefully. He stood back listening with his ears perked and then came over and rubbed his nose against me. I kept talking. He rubbed up to me again. It was clear he liked the vibe of what I was saying.  I had the same experience with the mothers and their foals in the field. They were so happy with the loving, positive exchange.

Later I had the same encounter with one of the dogs on the farm. I told her she was like royalty, like a Duchess, for she is very large and regal. She evidently got the gist of what I was saying too and began to look at me lovingly. This went on for the rest of the evening.

I realized that I was sending a very strong and loving message to the horses and the dog. Without understanding the words, they absolutely heard the energetic message of a love and appreciation.

How often do you have this type of interaction with those you love and appreciate? What would happen if you were more intentional in letting people know they are seen? Here are some thoughts:


Making comments that essentially say how you see someone has a profound effect. It means you are present, noticing and seeing the impact a person is making. Whether it is a comment about the work they are doing, the impact they are making or simply an observation of appreciation about them, it is always well received.

Make a decision to notice and appreciate the people you count on. Notice your partner’s extra effort, an employee’s contribution, a friend’s unique qualities or kindness. Do this more than once a year in an employee’s evaluation, or in a card to a partner or friend on a special occasion, make your comments regular, ongoing and face to face. There is no doubt that It will change the nature of your relationship to one that is more kind, respectful, loving, and reciprocal.


Comments that communicate the essence of what you are seeing moves the nature of your interaction to a higher level. It takes you out of the perfunctory comments like “thank you” or “great job”, because it provides more detail, specificity and most important, appreciation.

The feeling involved in the comment is what moves the interaction to a higher level. Love and appreciation vibrate at a greater frequency. We are more attuned to this than we know. It moves interactions beyond the routine, lower frequency comments that are made without much feeling or energy, to a heart-based interaction.


When you communicate appreciation with sincerity, you are putting your energy out in such a way that it makes for powerful engagement. People will know and feel the authenticity of what you say. It is often such a lovely and surprising interaction to hear and feel the kindness, it stands out in ways you do not forget. It makes the relationship more meaningful.

Whether you send or receive powerful messages of appreciation, the result it the same. There is a qualitative change in the nature of the relationship. It allows you to trust and turn to one another with more kindness and appreciation. It creates a loop of reciprocity that enhances the relationship.

What is your experience with being seen? Are you aware of how many close interactions you have that are predicated on knowing that you are seen accurately for who you are? When you give appreciative and loving comments, you are likely setting up an interactive exchange that helps a relationship have a higher-level connection and a more positive, powerful degree of engagement. It creates a wonderful platform for more of that positivity to come back to you, just as I experienced with the horses and the dog.

If you would like to explore the power of being seen for yourself, reach out. Often, we live with a poverty of this type of exchange and there are things that you can do to make it more frequent. My Transformational Coaching and Therapy includes techniques to help this be a regular foundation of your life. Go to www.spectrumtransformation.com and use my Free Consultation link to reach me. I would love to hear from you.


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Written by Connie Milligan, LCSW
If there is anything I’ve expressed that speaks to you, I’d love to hear from you. You can reach me at my email, connie [at] conniemilligan [dot] com